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News about the collapse of Canada's military was virtually
pushed into the classified section this week by front-page
stories and endless drivel about a rich, old British woman's
cross-country tour and a major league hockey commentator's minor
league hissy-fit over salary negotiations. Everywhere
one looked, it was all about the Queen and hockey. It's
symptomatic of the fact that many Canadians mistakenly believe
that cultural identity is the key to a nation's sovereignty. But
if this was indeed the case, the French-Canadian separatist
yahoos from Quebec would have packed up their province and gone
off on their own a long time ago.
Some Canadians spend an immoderate amount of time and energy
figuring out how to distinguish themselves from Americans. We're
inundated with American culture, American food and fashion,
American television shows, American politics, and American news. As
former Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau once said,
"Living next to the US is like being in bed with an
elephant. You feel every twitch and grunt."
There are Canadians who fear (or, in some cases, hope) that one
day, Canada will simply be gobbled up by the United States, and
that such an annexation is virtually inevitable. They
figure that the key to our independence and clout on the world
stage is to make ourselves culturally unique and as un-American
as possible. Institutions such as the Canadian
Radio-Television and Telecommunications Commission (CRTC) -
Canada's
equivalent of America's FCC - are set up by the Canadian
government for this very purpose. The CRTC's mandate
is to safeguard Canadian culture by ensuring that a minimal
level of Canadian content is maintained in radio and television
broadcasting - which means that you can't spin the radio dial
without smacking into a hit by Shania Twain, Céline Dion, or
Alanis Morissette.
Canada is still pathetically clinging to its ties to the British
Monarchy - the world's most notorious dysfunctional family with
the possible exception of Ozzy Osbourne's - under the pretense
that doing so increases its international profile and
distinguishes it from the US. Queen Elizabeth II
arrived in Canada this week for a 12-day Royal tour to celebrate
her 50 years on the throne. "Lizapalooza"
has dominated all Canadian media coverage since the Queen's
arrival. There isn't a media-savvy Canadian alive who
doesn't know that Rigby & Peller makes the Queen's lingerie;
that she's worth $666 million Canadian; that her favorite drink
is water; that she hates coffee, soccer, and tennis; and that
all her pet corgis (except for one) "came from the same
bitch that she was given on her 18th birthday." I
can't wait for Liz to pack up and hit the road so I can use my
daily newspaper to actually find out what's going on in the rest
of the world again.
The day the Queen arrived on Canadian soil, Canadian Deputy
Prime Minister John Manley said he believed that Canada should
dump the Queen as its head of state in favor of a uniquely
Canadian institution. I agree - it's time for Canada to
grow up as a nation and stand on its own two feet. Besides,
even though the Queen's role in Canadian government is largely
symbolic, it's still a symbol of imperialism and tyranny, and it
has no place in a 21st century democracy. America
recognized this at the very outset, when its founding fathers
decided that Article 1 of the Constitution should read, "No
title of Nobility shall be granted." Australia
figured it out when they adopted a minimal republican state that
retained the essence of parliamentary government and changed
only the way the head of state is chosen.
Canada can never be a true democracy without a head of state
elected by the people. The Queen and the Royals no
longer represent Canada abroad. They represent
Britain. Period. It's time for Canada to
stand up and represent itself.
Canadian author Will Ferguson once said, "With or without
the Royals, we are not Americans. Nor are we British. Or
French. Or void. We are something else. And
the sooner we define this, the better." Besides,
at least $34 million a year (and this is a conservative
estimate, as it was put forth by the Monarchist League of
Canada) is spent on the Monarchy every year in Canada. The
current Royal visit is costing Canadian taxpayers about $5
million. Surely this money could be better spent
elsewhere at a time when Canada's armed forces are on the verge
of collapse.
Canada only spends 1.2% of its Gross Domestic Product on defence,
putting it dead last in the group of 19 NORAD countries. The
number of Canadian military personnel has fallen drastically
from 80,000 to 50,000 in fewer than 10 years. Even
with a looming war in Iraq, a report produced by the Conference
of Defence Associations-which includes a panel of top military
officers-points out that up to half of the army's vehicles and
weapon systems could be put out of commission over the next 18
months due to a lack of spare parts.
Without a strong military presence, any cultural distinctness,
sovereignty, or national identity Canada has would rapidly
erode. We would become fully reliant on other
countries to defend us, and would be seen as nothing more than
freeloaders. In the same way that a teenager who
mooches off his mom and dad for lunch money isn't fully mature
and independent, neither is a Canada that relies on Mamma
Britain or Daddy USA for military support and defense.
One would think that Canadians would be up in arms over their
country's lack of military clout. However, they
seemed to show far more passion and support this past week for a
taxpayer-funded CBC Hockey Night in Canada co-host who was
having some trouble getting a raise of his $400 thousand a year
salary. Heaven forbid that Ron MacLean be denied a
few more of our Canadian dollars - you know, the ones with the
Queen's face on them! After all, hockey is such an
integral part of Canadian culture, and Hockey Night in Canada is
the cornerstone of that culture. And is it any
surprise that Canadians are all psyched up about the Queen
dropping the puck at a Vancouver Canucks hockey game during her
Royal tour? But what Canadians really need to wake up
and realize is that without a strong military, Canada has no
presence on the international stage. And neither the
Queen nor hockey will be able to save us from erosion of our
national pride and identity. So let's rethink our
priorities, refocus our passions, get ourselves an elected head
of state, and use the money we'd normally spend on the Queen and
raises for hockey announcers to fund our dilapidated military
and carve out our own, uniquely Canadian national identity once
and for all.
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