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The American Precedent
Michael Douglas for President?

By Nathan Porter


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God bless those Brits (love them, hate them). Despite spending most of their time fretting over whether Tony sniffs George's ass too much or whether Tony gives it to Cherie too much or whether Charles or Wills will be the next Queen of England, they still have time to focus on the absurd. According to the BBC, a British bookmaker is giving 6-1 to odds that actor Michael Douglas will one day become President of the United States. You see Michael, like most self-important, self-deluded, self-gratifying, liberal Hollywood types, fancies himself more than a guy who makes a living kissing Glenn Close's breasts on film. He fancies himself a political thinker, nay, he fancies himself Savior of the World, and so do the salivating British press. 

"Michael Douglas is no stranger to the world on international diplomacy and negotiation," writes the BBC. "In 1998 he was named a United Nations Messenger of Peace with a mission to focus worldwide attention on nuclear disarmament and human rights. And, unlike most potential candidates for the presidency, he has already had a rehearsal of what might be involved if he is one day working out of the Oval Office. In 1995, he starred in the film, The American President, in which he played a widowed world leader who begins dating again."

Now I get it. Dubya is just a hackneyed bum-pimple whose only rehearsal for the presidency was sticking a fork in Ann Richards. But Douglas, now there's the American president Europe longs to see. And why not, Douglas lives in the same brain-dead, feel-good, freedom-ain't-worth-defending world as most Europeans.

Douglas is a movie star not a professional combatant in the arena of ideas, so his political views, when made public, can lead to seductive agreement by those who are unfortunate enough to be exposed to them. When Douglas made an appearance before the Canadian Parliament, one observer remarked, "I've heard the secretaries are floating through the air. Goo goo, ga ga. Maybe I'll get an autograph for my wife." Goo goo, ga ga indeed. The reaction was the same when in March, 2022 Douglas spoke before the British House of Commons, appearing before the body in his capacity as United Nations Messenger of Peace. United Nations Messenger of Bullshit seems a more appropriate title. The aging, destined-to-be-ex-husband of Catherine Zeta-Jones was in London to convince the British that they alone are "uniquely placed" to save the Anti-Ballistic Missile Treaty, the Non-Proliferation Treaty and the Comprehensive Test Ban Treaty from falling apart, and in the process save the world from America. 

Douglas used this grand stage to continue his war against the Strategic Defense Initiative. Douglas labeled SDI as a threat to world peace, saying, "Three control treaties are in danger of coming apart at a time when more material for making weapons of mass destruction is available worldwide than ever before. The horrific prospect opens up a world of nuclear anarchy, where any feud between countries could degenerate into a death warrant for the entire planet."

I almost expected the next words out of his mouth to be "It's not happiness to see me is it." What Michael Douglas fails to comprehend is that nuclear treatieslike gun control lawsmean nothing to outlaws or outlaw nations, who never respect words written on paper but always respect the threat of annihilation. But in the world that Michael Douglas dreams of, America will not have the ability to protect herself from nuclear missile attack or retaliate against such an attack.

Douglas is an advisor and contributor to many leftwing organizations, including the Nuclear Age Peace Foundation, which sounds like a nice group but whose agenda leads me to believe they are more interested in military parity among nations than peace. Joining Douglas as advisors to the Nuclear Age Peace Foundation are Ted Turner and Gerry Spence. Are you getting the picture? The Nuclear Age Peace Foundation has some nutty participants and some nutty ideas.

The stated vision of the Nuclear Age Peace Foundation is as follows:

"Our vision is a world at peace, free of the threat of war and free of weapons of mass destruction. It is a world where conflicts are settled nonviolently; a world where human and natural resources are used constructively and sustainably; a world where all individuals live with human dignity, compassion, and respect for one another; and a world where local, national and international institutions support these aims."

Michael Douglas has said abolition of nuclear weapons is a moral imperative. Can anybody tell me what's wrong with this picture? In what kind of world do these people think we are living? Nuclear technology, and therefore nuclear weaponry, is like fire: once discovered, it will never again cease to exist and no amount of irrational daydreaming will make it disappear. That is a very, very unfortunate fact, but it is a fact. I wish more than anything we lived in a world where the reality of nuclear annihilation wasn't possible, but we don't. I'm willing to to bet that if any of these no-nukes types were asked whether marijuana or cocaine could be abolished they'd say no.Why then do they think nukes can, and why is it so difficult for some people to agree in principle that given the ability to defend ourselves against such weapons (without having to harm anyone else in the process)  we should refrain from doing so?  It is not as though as our defense we are relying on the threat that if our enemy attacks us we will destroy them. SDI improves the prospects for nuclear peace in our time it does not threaten them. But if we're to believe Michael Douglas, a nuclear exchange is imminent if SDI is developed by the United States. 

I do wonder, though, what President Michael Douglas's first official act would be. Aside from eliminating a missile defense program I imagine he would implement his nuke-eradicating master plan, which calls for the reallocation of 35 billion dollars spent on maintaining our nuclear forces to provide for social welfare spending throughout the rest of the world. President Douglas won't give the money back to the people to whom it belongsthe U.S. taxpayerrather, he will redistribute it to the Third World. But I have a better idea. Why not take the millions of dollars I'm sure it takes to maintain Michael's idiotic ass in the lifestyle of the rich and famous and give it to those programs instead. As for me, I prefer the money I send my government be used to secure the national defense by investing in a missile defense system and maintaining all our armed forces, including the nuclear forces.

The ironic thing is that three months after the attacks of 9/11, and much to Michael Douglas's dismay, the US did withdraw from the ABM treaty, President Bush vowed to build a missile defense system as soon as possible, and shortly thereafter signed an agreement with Russia to drastically reduce both country's nuclear arsenals, getting the world closer to nuclear disarmament than anything Michael Douglas has done. Now that is an American precedent that Britain and the rest of Europe need to follow, made possible by an American president they'd better get used to.

I just hope that when we do get our missile defense shield in place we can find a way to leave Michael Douglas unprotected, so that when the missiles come, this no-nuke puke can fully enjoy the fruits of his labor.

Nathan Porter is responsible for


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