Draft Giuliani
ONLY one man has emerged from this political race with any credit at all - but his chances of becoming leader of the most powerful country on Earth are
virtually zilch.
He speaks from the heart, he has a hundred skeletons in his cupboard and much of the time the people who love him wish he would just shut the Hell up.
Even Europeans, who are heartily bored of the American election fight, would like to see him become Numero Uno because it would finally bring a little much-needed colour back to the world political scene.
That man is New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani - the people's President. A man who never says one sentence where ten will do; a man who would turn up to the official opening of an envelope; a man who is loved and hated by vast chunks of America.
Rudy does not stand on ceremony. If he thinks you are a jackass he will tell you. And unlike Britain's own former "Iron Lady", Margaret Thatcher, if he makes a mistake he will usually own up to it and try to put it right.
Bore and Gush have got their own skeletons too... but not very many. The truth is that neither are interesting enough to have skeletons.
On the other hand Rudy's are well documented. A recent book revealed his dad did a bit of time in jail, he has a fondness for the ladies and the "zero tolerance" measures he implemented in New York are occasionally likely to result in swat teams bursting into people's houses to arrest them for not having a dog licence!
So what? The fact is New York is not the terrifying human zoo it used to be. In the safe parts of town people rarely get gunned down in the street these days and, though you hardly ever see a policeman in the city, I know that if I call one in an emergency he will be there within a couple of minutes.
Every British friend who has visited me in New York has been captivated by this man. At first they laugh at his silly haircut and the ridiculous baseball cap he insists on sporting for many of his hastily convened press conferences.
However, they know a good 'un when they see one. And in a country where crazy Brits will vote for a Labour Prime Minister but a Conservative local council, we all agree Rudy should be in the White House. NOT one of the other two jokers.
JJ is a New York-based British
journalist and writer who makes a living giving a distorted picture of
Americans to his paymasters back home. A former English tabloid
hack, he now has his own website - www.thedailyroast.8m.com - which is
peppered with sarcasm, humoUr (as the Brits incorrectly spell the
word) and occasional madness. His one-man campaign to get a
human smiley gif into the White House should be ignored at all costs.
© The Daily Roast, 2000
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